Almost four months ago now, I laid awake in the gentle morning light and stirred for an impossibly long time in bed. My thoughts whipped around like a wind-blown bag. I waited for Allan to wake up so that I could finally put my thoughts to rest. At least for a few moments.
From the tiny en-suite bathroom attached to the bedroom at our old house, I poked my head out. Allan sat in wait in bed, as anxious as I was. I stared at him right in the eyes, and I knew he knew what I was about to say.
“….I think I’m fucking pregnant”. Those five words changed everything. We stared at each other, not really knowing what to say. Certainly we hadn’t planned it, but we also hadn’t been putting much effort into not getting pregnant, either. We wanted kids and we wanted a life together, though we’d never planned on when. We left the rest to fate, and fate found us easily. We’ve never been good at hiding.
We had plans to visit our friends at a beer market, of all the places, on that day. Oh, the temptation. Life sure is a funny little jerk. We didn’t want to tell anyone, fearing the worst might happen or that we might jinx this twist of fate, but seeing our dearest, closest, could-be-family-in-another-
People ask you a lot of questions when they find out you’re pregnant. Questions it’s hard to know the answer to while you’re trying to absorb the fact that your whole life is about to change. The most common question is “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”. Ummmmm no??!?! Is there any possible way to be prepared for a baby? I can imagine not. Even parents who have planned their pregnancy for years aren’t ready for what’s to come. How can you possibly be ready physically? Emotionally? Mentally? You can’t. Or I can’t. But this isn’t to say I’m not so excited I can feel it tingling in my bones. I just don’t know how to be ready for something so massive. So completely overwhelmingly life-changingly massive. We have no idea how to be ready. So to answer all your questions, no, we probably aren’t ready and we probably won’t be ready until that baby pops out and we have no choice but to get ready. Life happens, and we’re prepared to take it on with a smile on our faces (probably with some barf on our faces, too).
I’ve been feeling fairly well, aside from a bout of bronchitis that seemed to last for a month. No nausea – at all! I feel like I won the lottery there. A few mild headaches and some exhaustion, but generally I feel well. I contribute that to the fact that my only cravings have been for extremely healthy things. Cold, fruity smoothies, healthy cereals with really cold milk, clementines, ginger beer, komboucha…. lots of gut-friendly things. Like this smoothie! I have literally survived on this smoothie for three months. It’s all I think about all day long. When I wake up, I can taste it. Nothing can get done until I’ve sat quietly and sipped it until every last spicy, blueberry-ie drop is gone. And then the day, with my permission, may begin. I know this silent morning routine is fleeting so I’m trying to really soak them in while I can.
1 1/2 cups frozen blueberries
1 ripe banana
1 tbsp raw honey
1 – 2″ raw ginger (depending on on spicy you like it), minced
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper, optional but wonderful when sick
1 cup Full-Fat coconut yogurt (Greek, if you can find it)
2 tbsp wheat bran, optional
2 tbsp toasted coconut flakes
1/2 cup packed spinach leaves
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup orange juice (fresh squeezed is the tastiest)
1/2 cup vanilla almond milk (or regular milk)
Place all ingredients in a high-powered blender and process until smooth.